Harper Reese- 1 Month Old!

When everyone tells you that time flies by when you have a newborn, you never quite realize just how true that is until one day you're delivering your baby and the next she's one month old.  Harper is ONE month old today and I can hardly believe it's gone by so quickly. 

She has brought so much joy to our lives and she is just the sweetest baby.  She's takes long naps, sleeps 4-5 hour stretches at night and overall doesn't cry much unless she is hungry.  She started to fuss more in the evenings but during the day she is the most calm baby.

Since my mom is still here, we did a little one month photo shoot with Harper and I was so happy with how the photos turned out that I'm sharing them below!

My mom with baby Harper...

Wishing everyone a great week!

Harper Meets Grandma

My mom is visiting from Toronto right now and she met Harper for the first time last Saturday. It's so nice having my mom around to help with the baby and to have company during the week while Kevin is at work.  

My mom has also been cooking some of my favorite meals for me which has been awesome. She even swiffered my floors today and helped me organize Harper's closet. It's been really nice spending time with my own mom now that I'm a mom too.

Here are a few snapshots from our week so far:

Hanging out on the balcony...

Grandma's swaddle

Evening cuddles...

Bath time

My mom's made-from-scratch chicken noodle soup with the "cloud noodles" I loved growing up

Hello!

Going for an evening stroll...

Walking around our neighborhood

Tummy time

More snuggles

Fun in the nursery

Holding Harper in her Woombie (amazing invention!)

Most days I'm wearing tees and PJ or yoga pants, but my mom and I left the house a couple of times so I actually wore "real clothes." Both pairs of shorts are from J.Crew.

Wishing everyone a great week!

Breastfeeding- Our Journey So Far

In my 36 weeks pregnant post, I talked a lot about my hopes and fears about breastfeeding.  From the beginning of my pregnancy, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. I had read numerous studies about the benefits of breast milk for babies and I wanted to provide Harper with my milk, if I could.

My breastfeeding journey began with a breast pump at the hospital. You'll recall from my birth story that Harper was whisked away to the NICU about an hour or so after her birth.  Because I wasn't able to be with her, the moment I got to our new room on the mother/baby unit where we would spend the rest of our hospital stay, I asked my nurse for a pump so I could try to extract some colostrum to feed her.

I was able to pump a small syringe the night she was born and I brought it to her in the NICU that night.  The next morning, I pumped another syringe and fed it to her.  I also worked with a lactation consultant everyday I was in the hospital to try to get Harper to feed at the breast.  She was unable to get a good latch and would de-latch and scream the entire time---or, she would fall asleep.  Needless to say it was a rough start for us.

The day after we brought her home, we visited the pediatrician to have her billiruben levels re-checked and they also weighed her. The hospital had sent us home with some formula because she was getting pasteurized donor breast milk in the NICU and was used to getting full feeds---and I didn't feel I was producing enough colostrum to satisfy her. So, I was pumping and also supplementing.

At her one week pediatrician appointment, our doctor was concerned that she had lost a little too much weight and asked me how breastfeeding was going. I felt so defeated. She wasn't gaining back weight quickly enough and so I was instructed to bring her to the breast as much as possible as well as to continue pumping and supplementing with formula as needed.

So I continued to pump and my milk finally came in about 5 days after giving birth. Once my milk came in I felt more confident brining her to the breast, but she still had latching issues and would scream every time I tried to feed her.  I started to feed her mostly expressed breast milk and a feeding or two of formula per day.

The early colostrum feedings...

I knew I had to do something because I really wanted breastfeeding to work out. I finally ordered a Medela nipple shield from Amazon.com and anxiously waited for it to arrive. By this point, every time Harper latched on I would feel a searing pain and my nipples were getting destroyed due to her poor latch.  I was literally praying that the nipple shield would be our saving grace.

And it was.  Once I started using the nipple shield, everything changed. Harper could latch on and STAY latched on. She wasn't screaming anymore. I could hear her swallowing when I would breastfeed her. I finally felt like I was providing her with what she needed.

love her little hand...

By her two week appointment she had re-gained her birth weight (was slightly above it) so our pediatrician was happy about that and encouraged me to wean from using the shield, and to breastfeed her as much as possible to build my supply.

I consulted a lactation expert who happens to conduct all kinds of studies on breast milk and breastfeeding and she told me it was okay to continue using the nipple shield if Harper was able to breastfeed with it and told me that a study on nipple shields saying they affect supply was very outdated and also was conducted using a nipple shield and a breast pump and not a baby feeding at the breast with a shield, so the results were inaccurate.

For now, I'm continuing to use the shield.  Harper is having the recommended amount of wet and dirty diapers per day which makes me more confident that she is getting what she needs. I also took her in for a weighted feeding, so I knew how much she was transferring in an average nursing session. Now, I mostly breastfeed her and I still try to pump once or twice a day. Though most of her feedings are at the breast, she typically gets one formula feeding per day, which is 2 ounces. The most formula she ever gets is 4 ounces per day, but usually it's just 2.

This is the "Harper Kit" my husband puts together for me every night before bed---he sterilizes everything and we keep this in changing pad area of the pack n' play that she sleeps in in our bedroom so I can use the supplies throughout the night, as needed---

it includes formula, pumping supplies, bottles and my nipple shield

I feed her on demand right now---there are days where she cluster-feeds and wants to eat every hour to hour and a half and there are days where she sleeps a ton and I have to wake her every 3 hours to feed.  At night, she can go 4-5 hours without waking and I let her sleep at night and only feed her when she wakes, which is what was recommended to me.

My goal is to continue to breastfeed her and pump for her when I return to work. By the way, I am using Medela's Pump in Style Advanced and LOVE it! I don't mind supplementing with formula---whatever will make her happy and healthy is all I care about.  I hope I can accomplish this goal, but I'm going to try not too get down on myself if it doesn't work out either.

Overall, I'm thrilled I can breastfeed at all. To be honest, I wasn't sure I would be able to produce milk because of my breast augmentation surgery and my lack of natural breast tissue prior to my surgery.  It's really reassuring to know that my body is able to provide Harper with the nutrients she needs and I feel very blessed.  I had a lot of women with implants reach out to me when I first discussed my fears about possibly not being able to breastfeed and I'm so glad to have had their support and reassurance.  I'm grateful to have such amazing readers who are willing to share their personal experiences with me. I think it's a beautiful thing when women can support and help each other in such a special way.

I've also been fortunate to have a husband who really supports me when it comes to breastfeeding. Kevin has been so encouraging about nursing, especially when I was down on myself and worried that it wasn't going to work out. Having a supportive partner makes all the difference.  I also love that he can feed her too with expressed milk or formula. It's nice that he can have that bonding time with her.  We are also fortunate that she takes bottles--- I know some breastfed babies won't take them at all.  She doesn't have a preference---we use Avent, Medela and tommee tippee bottles, so that makes things easier.

I will continue to post updates about breastfeeding as we continue our journey.  Thanks for reading and feel free to share with me your breastfeeding journey in the comments below!  And remember---whether you choose to breastfeed, pump or formula feed your baby---all that matters is that you are feeding your baby and giving her or him what they need. How a mother feeds her baby isn't a place for judgment---every mother needs to do what is best for her baby and her family.

Harper Reese- Birth Story Part II

This part of Harper's birth story is more difficult for me to write than Part I, because this is a story about the unexpected...I still get teary-eyed thinking about it today.

I had a wonderful birth experience and a beautiful 8 pound, 3 ounce baby who ended up being whisked away to the level II NICU about an hour or so after she was born. I feel so fortunate that I got to do some skin-to-skin bonding with her beforehand. I'll cherish that forever.

Kevin holding Harper right after she was born.

After she was born, both she and I had spiked fevers for a brief period of time and no one knew why.  The neonatal response team was called to my room and because I wasn't group-B strep positive and didn't have any other known infections, she had to be taken to the NICU to be started on IV antibiotics as a precaution while doctors ran 24 and 48 hour blood cultures. By the time she got to the NICU she wasn't having any temperature spikes, so that was good news.

My husband went with her to the NICU---I wanted him to, I felt so powerless and I didn't want our newborn to be alone.  It all seemed to happen so quickly. One moment we were in this blissful state admiring our sweet baby girl and the next she was being taken to the NICU.  I was still recovering from the birth and epidural and there I was alone in my labor and delivery room. I had never felt so alone in my life, ever.  I remember just crying in my hospital bed alone and praying she was okay.

While Kevin was in the NICU with Harper I continued to be in a state of shock. I had a complication-free pregnancy and a healthy delivery and she had a 9 Apgar score when she was born so I thought we were in the clear.  My hormones were in overdrive and all I wanted was to get out of that room and go and see our little girl but I wasn't allowed to leave until I could walk again.

When Kevin got back to the L&D room, I asked my nurse if we could be moved to the mother/baby unit. I told her I felt fine and that I could feel my legs (that was true).  She knew I was anxious, I had cried in front of her about 20 minutes prior.  I asked if I could try to walk and go to the bathroom so she and Kevin helped me out of the bed. I was able to use the restroom and as I got up to wash my hands I started to feel really dizzy.  Then, everyone's voices began to sound like they were in a tunnel. I had to sit down in the wheelchair and rest for a moment.  The nurse insisted that I eat before we transferred rooms. She was right. I realized I hadn't eaten since early that morning before we went to the hospital.  I felt a lot better once I ate and we were finally able to move to the mother/baby unit, though we were without our baby. 

Our hospital practices family-centered care so babies room-in with parents but we couldn't have her with us until she was cleared from the NICU.  So we settled into our new room and I asked my nurse for a breast pump so I could try to express some colostrum to feed to Harper in the NICU.  Fortunately our hospital is very pro-breastfeeding and they offer pasteurized donor breast milk for babies so her first feedings were of my colostrum and donor breast milk which I'm incredibly thankful for as studies show that those first feedings are so crucial for the development of baby's intestines.

I was able to pump a syringe of colostrum and Kevin took me in a wheelchair to the NICU to visit Harper.  I saw her laying there with all of the monitors and an IV and it just broke my heart---but at the same time I knew she was getting the best care and I am a "better safe than sorry" type of person so I'm glad they were being precautious. Still, it was really hard to see her like that and to know we had to go back to our room without her.

Visiting Harper in the NICU

We didn't get much sleep that night. We were both still stunned at what happened.  Why did we spike fevers?  Was she going to be okay? When would we see the results from her blood cultures?

The next day we returned to the NICU where I worked with a lactation consultant to feed her.  She had issues with her latch from the start so I continued to pump colostrum.  We got the news later that day that Harper could come back to our room and continue get her IV treatments there. Thank goodness. We just wanted to be with our baby.

Working with lactation consultants in the NICU the day after she was born

Having her back in our room was wonderful. I loved being able to hold her and feed her  without all of those wires.  Later that evening we got the news that her billiruben levels were high and so they administered phototherapy right there in our room.  I felt sad seeing our baby girl go through so much those first couple of days of life, but I was also simultaneously grateful for the care she was receiving.

Feeding Harper pasteurized donor breast milk, 

so thankful for the generous moms who donate

Though it was hard to go through, I feel lucky that I had such a supportive partner to go through it all with. It's totally cliche, but my husband was my rock during those first few days of Harper's life. He still is!

After Harper's phototherapy was complete, her pediatrician visited us in the hospital and said he thought we could go home that evening.  We were elated but also worried because we hadn't yet gotten the 48 hour blood culture results yet---but the 24 hour results came back negative so our pediatrician was confident that the fever was completely random and that there was no infection. He ended up being right---her 48 hour cultures did come back negative.

Harper under the billi lights

We took her home the evening of May 29th and the next morning, I woke up realizing it was my 30th birthday. My "golden year."  I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than to be at home as a family of three.  It was such a blessing to have her home, my dream come true.

Finally going home...our cart full of our things, presents, etc...

We took her to the pediatrician's office on my birthday to have her billi levels re-checked and they were still elevated but not enough to continue phototherapy.  She had also lost weight so our pediatrician wanted us to just focus on feeding her and making sure she was having enough wet and dirty diapers.


It's been three and a half weeks now and we are all settled in at home and Harper is doing great.  Even though her first few days of life were a bit stressful and full of uncertainty, I'm still happy with my birth experience because all I ever hoped for was that we would be able to take our baby home and start our life as a family, regardless of what happened on the way there.

Thank you for reading and for all of the wonderful comments and support many of you left when we were in the hospital and over the last few weeks.  

I will definitely also be writing a post about postpartum recovery as I know that has been highly requested.