Update: My Experience with Placenta Accreta

I wanted to give an update after the post I shared about my hospitalization for retained placenta and postpartum bleeding.

My OB called me this week with the results of the pathology report and it turns out that I actually experienced a very rare complication called placenta accreta that occurs when blood vessels and other parts of the placenta grow too deeply into the uterine wall.  I had heard about it before because my boss at work had it with her last pregnancy, but it wasn't until I google'd it that I really understood how dangerous and scary it is.

Perhaps the most difficult part of all is facing the reality that this condition will affect any future pregnancies and I will be considered high-risk and have to see a maternal-fetal-medicine specialist if I ever want to have another baby---and with that, there are risks, including having to have a hysterectomy or blood transfusion. 

Some women get placenta accreta due to scarring after a c-section or other uterine surgery---none of which I've had. I also had none of the risk factors---it was completely random for me.

Fortunately, one of the world's leading experts on placenta accreta works at the hospital where I delivered, so I will be meeting with him in the next 6 months or so to discuss the condition and a possible future pregnancy.

When they performed the D&C surgery they did find a piece of placenta, but it was very small, maybe 2 cm.  I am not sure what this means in terms of the severity of my accreta, but that's one of the things I plan to discuss with the specialist.  It seems as though my situation was kind of odd because my bleeding didn't begin to be severe until 5 weeks postpartum, and not immediately after delivery like most women with this condition who are unable to even deliver the placenta (mine was delivered fully and looked intact).

I am so thankful we have our sweet little Harper. We are blessed to even have one baby. But I have to admit that it's a hard pill for me to swallow knowing that I may not be able to have another child (we wanted to have two) or that if I am able to get pregnant again, I may have a very complicated pregnancy and delivery and possibly have to have a hysterectomy. It's just really scary to think about, especially because my pregnancy was smooth-sailing and I enjoyed being pregnant for the most part.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me---like I said, we are so blessed to have a beautiful baby girl and she is absolutely the joy of my life. It's just another shock to find out that something very dangerous was happening in my body. I am SO thankful that God protected me and the baby and that I did not experience some of the more severe complications that some women do when they have placenta accreta. 

Knowing that complications may be in my future is kind of sad...but that's something I'm tying not to think about too much right now. After all, I have a beautiful new baby to enjoy and bond with at home---and that in itself, in addition to causing so much happiness also causes a lot of worry and anxiety that all new parents experience.  I think all of the unexpected things that happened after Harper was born have  heightened my already worrisome nature, but I'm working on moving past it all and enjoying the time I have with her at home before I return to work. If you fellow moms have any tips on how to move past worrying about everything, please leave me a comment!

Thank you again to everyone who sent thoughts and prayers my way and wished for a speedy recovery. I feel much better now and I'm so thankful to be home and healthy.

Trusting Your Instincts

I started to write this post from my hospital bed as I was recovering from a D&C surgery.  This post is about trusting your instincts.

Let me start from the beginning (and this post is very TMI, so if that's not your thing, I recommend skipping past this one).  Postpartum, I had three tears and very heavy bleeding, which is to be expected for the first week or two. By 1.5 weeks postpartum the bleeding had tapered off and for two blissful weeks I wore a thin liner and that's it (it was the most amazing downgrade ever from diaper-sized hospital pads).

Then, just as I was beginning to think I had the most OMGawesome recovery ever, I started to bleed a little bit again. No biggie, I just went back to normal pads and dealt with it. I wasn't in pain anymore and a little bleeding wasn't too much to handle.

During my mom's visit at four weeks postpartum, my bleeding became a little heavier, but nothing too intense. I did pass a small clot when she was here as well, but again, I didn't think too much of it.

The night my mom left to return to Toronto, I woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly I felt gushes coming out of me. I was so shocked that I got up and ran to the bathroom, waking my husband with my "oh shit!" reaction (didn't wake the baby though, thank God).  Blood was streaming down my legs and got all over our sheets and carpet. 

On Monday, at exactly five weeks postpartum, I called my OB's office and spoke to the nurse, who assured me it was "normal" to bleed gushes and clots at five weeks postpartum. She said it likely happens when I breastfeed or pump because the contractions were pushing it all out.  Though the gushes were awfully uncomfortable and, not gonna lie, horrific, I convinced myself that it was okay and that it would soon pass.

Tuesday night I once again started to have gushes of blood as I was breastfeeding Harper in the middle of the night.  I passed her to my husband and ran to the bathroom again, this time I was smart enough to sleep on towels so I didn't do any damage.

On Wednesday, I had some minor gushing in the early evening and before bed at night. I wore an extremely heavy pad to bed "just in case" and went to sleep.  I woke up at about 3:30 a.m. to pump some breast milk for Harper's next feeding. As I was pumping, I felt a massive clot come out of me and tons of gushing blood---more than ever before. I once again ran to the bathroom, once again ruined my carpet and passed another large clot.  My poor husband came into the bathroom and saw the blood running down my legs and how much was still coming out of me and he just told me I needed to call my OB's emergency line and that this was not normal. I felt in my heart the entire time that it wasn't and I knew he was right and that I had to make that call.  I called the emergency line and the OB on call agreed that is was peculiar to be bleeding so much at five weeks postpartum and told me to go to the women's assessment center to have an ultrasound to check my uterine lining.

We called Kevin's parents and bless their sweet hearts, they drove down to our house in the early morning to take me to the hospital so Kevin could be at home with Harper.  We got to the hospital, I was admitted, and was seen by the hospitalist who performed an u/s. She said my uterus did appear to be thicker than normal and that there was probably some placental retention.  She ordered radiology to come and perform a more in-depth, higher quality ultrasound.

I began to wonder what would happen if they found something in my uterus and when I asked the question, I was met with a word I'd heard before: D&C.  I immediately texted my mom who let me know that the procedure would require general anesthesia.

Once again, just like when Harper was taken to the NICU after she was born, I was just in complete and utter shock that this was happening. We were finally settled in at home and had our little routine and I was starting to feel back to normal in many ways (until the gushing began, of course) and suddenly I was at the hospital about to possibly undergo a procedure to remove something inside of me.

that was the expression on my face too when I learned I would need surgery!

The radiologist looked at my updated u/s scans and sure enough, he agreed that there was something in my uterus and that it needed to be removed. The D&C was scheduled for 3:30 that afternoon and I waited (and waited) until that time came.

Fortunately, I had brought my pump to the hospital and I was able to pump breast milk for Harper three times before I went into surgery. That made me feel good since I felt absolutely awful being away from her. I wondered if she would be upset that I was gone all day, but everyone reassured me that she is too young to notice. She is mostly eating and sleeping (and pooping) these days so it made me feel better that she was napping a lot because she could just have sweet little baby dreams. My father-in-law brought my EBM to the house for Harper before I headed into surgery.

I was in good spirits before my surgery, joking around with the doctors and nurses and overall trying to keep myself feeling okay about everything that was happening. I knew I was going to get great care and my wonderful OB would be doing my surgery which I was grateful for (I also joked how nice it was of me to not ruin a second holiday for her since our baby was born on Memorial Day and the following day after my procedure was Independence Day).

I remember waking up and seeing my mother-in-law and some of the nurses in my room. I remember feeling really cold and they used this amazing hose that blasted heat under my blanket for me. It was the best thing ever and so warm and cozy since I was shaking a bit and my lips were blue from the cold. The day after my surgery my nurse told me I looked pretty bad after surgery and was as white as a sheet.

The nurses told me everything had gone well. My OB called my husband while I was still asleep and filled him in on everything that happened. Later, when my OB visited me in my room at the hospital, I learned that they had found a small piece of what they think is placenta in my uterus and they removed it and sent it to pathology for analysis. My OB said it was kind of an unusual circumstance and we would know more once the results came in on Friday as to why it didn't come out with the rest of my placenta, which, when delivered, looked healthy and intact.

Because of some clotting issues that are part of my family's medical history, my OB decided to keep me overnight so I could be monitored and so that my CBC levels could be taken every several hours.   

I also continued to pump during my stay at the hospital, every three hours. I was worried about my supply tanking due to the general anesthesia but I called lactation support at and they told me I was doing everything right. The saddest thing was having to "pump and dump" after my surgery, for 24 hours. I ended up pouring over 500ml of breast milk down the drain. The nurse actually did it because she saw that I had the bottles all set out by the sink as I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

I was also able to FaceTime with Kevin and Harper at the hospital which was wonderful and helped me with the sadness of being away from her.

I'm still trying to cope with what happened and with the horrific images I still have in my head of seeing myself bleed that heavily. After my surgery, I kept thinking I would eventually just start gushing blood again and I was afraid to get out of bed and scared every time I had to pee or pump that it would just start all over again. In my head, I knew that they had fixed everything during the surgery, but my non-rational side was still having "flashbacks" about all of the blood loss I experienced.

Candice picked me up from the hospital when I was finally discharged the next afternoon and when I got home on the fourth of July, I snuggled my sweet little girl and was just so thankful that I was home and that everything was okay again. I missed her so much when I was in the hospital but her daddy took amazing care of her, of course.

Harper sleeping after our cuddles when I finally came home...

During my stay at the hospital I received so many incredible and supportive comments from so many of you who follow me on Instagram and I appreciate each and every person who took the time to send thoughts and prayers. I'm so lucky that everything turned out the way that it did and that I get to be home with my family now.

I guess the point of this post is to trust your instincts and if something feels wrong or abnormal---call...and call again.  It's better to get checked out than to let things get more serious.

I hope everyone had a great fourth of July and thank you again for the well-wishes and support, it really brightened my spirits during such a difficult time.

Harper Reese- Birth Story Part II

This part of Harper's birth story is more difficult for me to write than Part I, because this is a story about the unexpected...I still get teary-eyed thinking about it today.

I had a wonderful birth experience and a beautiful 8 pound, 3 ounce baby who ended up being whisked away to the level II NICU about an hour or so after she was born. I feel so fortunate that I got to do some skin-to-skin bonding with her beforehand. I'll cherish that forever.

Kevin holding Harper right after she was born.

After she was born, both she and I had spiked fevers for a brief period of time and no one knew why.  The neonatal response team was called to my room and because I wasn't group-B strep positive and didn't have any other known infections, she had to be taken to the NICU to be started on IV antibiotics as a precaution while doctors ran 24 and 48 hour blood cultures. By the time she got to the NICU she wasn't having any temperature spikes, so that was good news.

My husband went with her to the NICU---I wanted him to, I felt so powerless and I didn't want our newborn to be alone.  It all seemed to happen so quickly. One moment we were in this blissful state admiring our sweet baby girl and the next she was being taken to the NICU.  I was still recovering from the birth and epidural and there I was alone in my labor and delivery room. I had never felt so alone in my life, ever.  I remember just crying in my hospital bed alone and praying she was okay.

While Kevin was in the NICU with Harper I continued to be in a state of shock. I had a complication-free pregnancy and a healthy delivery and she had a 9 Apgar score when she was born so I thought we were in the clear.  My hormones were in overdrive and all I wanted was to get out of that room and go and see our little girl but I wasn't allowed to leave until I could walk again.

When Kevin got back to the L&D room, I asked my nurse if we could be moved to the mother/baby unit. I told her I felt fine and that I could feel my legs (that was true).  She knew I was anxious, I had cried in front of her about 20 minutes prior.  I asked if I could try to walk and go to the bathroom so she and Kevin helped me out of the bed. I was able to use the restroom and as I got up to wash my hands I started to feel really dizzy.  Then, everyone's voices began to sound like they were in a tunnel. I had to sit down in the wheelchair and rest for a moment.  The nurse insisted that I eat before we transferred rooms. She was right. I realized I hadn't eaten since early that morning before we went to the hospital.  I felt a lot better once I ate and we were finally able to move to the mother/baby unit, though we were without our baby. 

Our hospital practices family-centered care so babies room-in with parents but we couldn't have her with us until she was cleared from the NICU.  So we settled into our new room and I asked my nurse for a breast pump so I could try to express some colostrum to feed to Harper in the NICU.  Fortunately our hospital is very pro-breastfeeding and they offer pasteurized donor breast milk for babies so her first feedings were of my colostrum and donor breast milk which I'm incredibly thankful for as studies show that those first feedings are so crucial for the development of baby's intestines.

I was able to pump a syringe of colostrum and Kevin took me in a wheelchair to the NICU to visit Harper.  I saw her laying there with all of the monitors and an IV and it just broke my heart---but at the same time I knew she was getting the best care and I am a "better safe than sorry" type of person so I'm glad they were being precautious. Still, it was really hard to see her like that and to know we had to go back to our room without her.

Visiting Harper in the NICU

We didn't get much sleep that night. We were both still stunned at what happened.  Why did we spike fevers?  Was she going to be okay? When would we see the results from her blood cultures?

The next day we returned to the NICU where I worked with a lactation consultant to feed her.  She had issues with her latch from the start so I continued to pump colostrum.  We got the news later that day that Harper could come back to our room and continue get her IV treatments there. Thank goodness. We just wanted to be with our baby.

Working with lactation consultants in the NICU the day after she was born

Having her back in our room was wonderful. I loved being able to hold her and feed her  without all of those wires.  Later that evening we got the news that her billiruben levels were high and so they administered phototherapy right there in our room.  I felt sad seeing our baby girl go through so much those first couple of days of life, but I was also simultaneously grateful for the care she was receiving.

Feeding Harper pasteurized donor breast milk, 

so thankful for the generous moms who donate

Though it was hard to go through, I feel lucky that I had such a supportive partner to go through it all with. It's totally cliche, but my husband was my rock during those first few days of Harper's life. He still is!

After Harper's phototherapy was complete, her pediatrician visited us in the hospital and said he thought we could go home that evening.  We were elated but also worried because we hadn't yet gotten the 48 hour blood culture results yet---but the 24 hour results came back negative so our pediatrician was confident that the fever was completely random and that there was no infection. He ended up being right---her 48 hour cultures did come back negative.

Harper under the billi lights

We took her home the evening of May 29th and the next morning, I woke up realizing it was my 30th birthday. My "golden year."  I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than to be at home as a family of three.  It was such a blessing to have her home, my dream come true.

Finally going home...our cart full of our things, presents, etc...

We took her to the pediatrician's office on my birthday to have her billi levels re-checked and they were still elevated but not enough to continue phototherapy.  She had also lost weight so our pediatrician wanted us to just focus on feeding her and making sure she was having enough wet and dirty diapers.


It's been three and a half weeks now and we are all settled in at home and Harper is doing great.  Even though her first few days of life were a bit stressful and full of uncertainty, I'm still happy with my birth experience because all I ever hoped for was that we would be able to take our baby home and start our life as a family, regardless of what happened on the way there.

Thank you for reading and for all of the wonderful comments and support many of you left when we were in the hospital and over the last few weeks.  

I will definitely also be writing a post about postpartum recovery as I know that has been highly requested.

Welcome to the World Harper Reese!

We are absolutely overjoyed to announce the birth of our daughter, Harper Reese.  Harper was born on Monday, May 27th at 6:23 p.m. weighing 8 pounds, 3 ounces.

Our hearts are filled with love and we feel so lucky to have her in our lives. I will post my birth story once I have a chance to sit down and write it all out. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.

-James 1:17

33 weeks

I had my 34 week appointment a day early this week and I mentioned to my OB some of my worries about the baby's movement.  Some days she is so active that I wonder why I even worry...and other days I panic when I don't feel her for a few hours or feel very minimal movement throughout the day.  My OB put me on a fetal monitor during my appointment yesterday for 20 minutes for what's called a non-stress test (NST).  I had heard of them before but never had one.  The baby was really active during the test and her heartbeat and everything else was great (also, no contractions at all detected, which didn't surprise me because I haven't yet experienced any Braxton Hicks).  

My OB ordered me to have a 20-minute NST once a week for the rest of my pregnancy. I was surprised that my OB recommended this but I also learned through both my OB and an online forum for moms and soon-to-be-moms that it's not uncommon--- a lot of women have NSTs throughout their pregnancies and especially in the last trimester. More than anything, it feels reassuring to know that the baby is okay---and also to know that if anything was out of the ordinary, I would know sooner.

I'm a chronic worrier and I was actually really proud of myself during this pregnancy for being relatively calm and anxiety-free...until third trimester came along and then a lot of my worries just flooded back. I think it's normal to feel anxious at this stage because it's so close and you've got all of this anticipation and you just want your baby to be okay. I'm glad my OB errs on the side of "better safe than sorry." I have a family history of clotting issues so it provides more peace of mind for me to have weekly monitoring for these last several weeks.

Speaking of my OB appointment, another thing we discussed is baby girl's position.  She is still in a transverse lie so my OB ordered an ultrasound for my 36 week appointment in two weeks to check on both position and growth.  I have started doing inversions from spinningbabies.com as well as pelvic thrusts to try and get the baby to turn.  I know I still have time, but the larger the baby gets, the more difficult it can be for baby to turn (though it's still possible, of course, some babies turn at the last minute).  She seems comfortable in there but I'm trying to do everything I can to get her to turn because I'd really like to have the option of a vaginal birth.  If she is not turned by 36 weeks, my OB will schedule a c-section and then of course that will be cancelled if she does end up turning prior to that date.  I'm not willing to try an external version---the success rate is not high (and the baby can turn back around even if the doctor manages to turn the baby) and the risks are personally something I'm not willing to chance.  I know there are risks with everything, but even my OB does not like to do external versions and I value her advice and experience.

At the end of the day---my birth plan has and always will be to be educated about my options and then to make choices based on what is best for the health of the baby and myself.  I don't have a "dream" birth plan---my only wish, hope and dream is that I am holding a healthy baby in my arms at the end of it all---and that I'm healthy too. 

That may sound cheesy but that's truly how I feel.  Labor is unpredictable for every woman. You don't know how you'll feel, how your body will react, etc.  I always wondered how someone could say "I would NEVER get an epidural" because I always felt that's a decision I personally couldn't make outside of the moment of actually being in labor and experiencing those sensations---and then deciding what I wanted based on that.  I think every woman should do what she feels is right for her and her baby---I'm just very open to whatever kind of experience brings my baby girl into this world safely.  

There are of course some things that I do really care about when it comes to my post-birthing experience---and those are immediate skin-to-skin and attempting breastfeeding as soon as possible after delivery.  Other than those two things, I really don't have a pre-determined vision of how it will all go.

One of the reasons I don't want to become too wrapped up in a formal plan or vision of how I hope my birthing experience will go is because I don't want to potentially set myself up for disappointment during such an emotional and life-changing time.  I don't want to put myself in a position where I will be upset if something doesn't go the way I had hoped---because labor is just one of those completely-out-of-your-control things...so to try and fit that experience into a really constructed plan isn't a good choice for me.
Usually I like to feel in control and have a plan for everything in life---but this is one of the few areas where I have an "anything goes" mentality.  I've heard from so many moms and read a lot of birth stories online where women were really disappointed with their birth experiences and my motto has always been healthy baby in my arms= successful and amazing birth experience, no matter how it all went down. This isn't to say that my "plan" or way of thinking will ensure that I am happy with every aspect of what ends up happening, but I think it will allow me to have a more open and relaxed attitude.  Only time will tell.

Did you have a birth plan/vision of how your birth would go when you went to the hospital or was your attitude more like mine?  

How far along? 33 weeks (I do these a week behind as a recap of the previous week, so I'm actually 34 weeks today).  Just 6 more weeks to go! Eeeepp!

Total weight gain/loss: I found out at my 34 week appointment that I've gained 22 lbs. so far. 

Maternity clothes? I'm basically wearing a uniform at this point. I've moved all of my favorite pregnancy tops to the front of my closet and I just rotate like five different outfits.  Not exciting, but I'm still working full time and I need to be comfortable at work.  Most days I wear my black GAP skinny pants with flats and a tank and blazer.  Sometimes I wear a stretchy-material dress. I'm also still wearing the shelf bras that I talked about in last week's post. On weekends, I pretty much exclusively wear maxi dresses or Lululemon gear.

Stretch marks? Not yet, I'm continuing to use Belli's Elasticity Belly Oil, Mamma Mio Tummy Rub and Mustela double-action stretch mark cream in rotation. 

Symptoms: The same as last week---rib pain, tiredness, back pain when I'm sitting for a long time and overall just feeling more emotional.

Sleep: I feel like I get a good amount of sleep. I never feel too draggy in the morning, but I get really tired around 3 PM everyday. I am still waking several times a night to pee, as expected when baby is on your bladder.

Best moment this week: Celebrating our baby girl at my second baby shower and spending time with one of my best friends Heather who flew in from Canada. One of my best friends from back home also gave birth to her beautiful baby girl last Saturday and I had a total meltdown when I saw her photo (total ugly-cry).  I am just so happy for her and was so overwhelmed with emotion that one of my best friends became a momma. Love that baby girl so much already.

Have you told family and friends: Yes!

Miss Anything? Being able to sit at my desk without being incredibly uncomfortable

Movement: As you read in my post today, some days baby girl seems to be having a dance party and other days she is kind of on and off with her movement.  Today, for example, she has been all over the place rolling, kicking and swooshing around in there.  I find that when I'm really busy or walking around a lot I feel her less. I know it's normal for babies to have periods of wakefulness and sleepiness---I find that if she has a super active day one day, she will be quieter the next day.

Food cravings: Honey Nut Cheerios with milk, Reeces peanut butter cups, cookies n' cream ice cream 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really.


Have you started to show yet: Most definitely!

Taken at 33 weeks, 3 days

Taken at 33 weeks, 2 days

Baby is a: Girl!

Belly Button in or out? Complete outie and oddly flat.  I am not regretting piercing my belly button...twice (top and bottom) because those holes are not looking good all stretched out. They never closed even after years of no jewelry in them and now they are taking on a whole new look.

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy---and emotional.

Looking forward to: 

Thank you for reading and for all of my pregnant readers, please feel free to check in below as well and let me know how your pregnancy is going :) I also welcome everyone's advice and comments about pregnancy!