I was trying really hard to nurse Harper. Everyone kept telling me to just put her to the breast as often as possible and that's what I was doing. If she wanted to eat every hour, that's what we did. I was still using the nipple shield but it was my hope that I could eventually wean her off of it. I knew I couldn't do it on my own and needed the support of a professional so I booked an appointment with a lacation consultant at the hospital where I delivered Harper.
Truth be told, I had already been pumping for a lot of Harper's feedings by that time, but seeing a lactation consultant was my last-ditch effort to try everything I could to get Harper to breastfeed more effectively (better latch, sucking actively, etc).
Well wouldn't you know it, like Murphy's Law coming to life, when we met with the LC we started Harper's feeding with a nipple shield and removed it after my initial letdown and Harper nursed like a champion. We needed some guidance with her latch, but overall she nursed well. We did a weighted feeding and she took in almost 4 ounces, which is what she takes in a bottle of expressed breast milk at each feeding. I was floored. I couldn't believe she has nursed without the shield and also that she had taken in so much. "This was it!," I thought to myself. One visit with the LC and we were on our way to exclusively breastfeeding...or so I thought.
I remember feeling elated that day. I was thrilled to think that it was possible for me to nurse her effectively. Of course in the back of my mind I knew I'd have to pump when I went back to work, but I was happy that breastfeeding seemed to be improving for us.
That excitement was sadly short lived. When we got home, I tried to nurse her and Harper would get fussy, or wouldn't latch correctly, or would keep de-latching. She would sometimes scream. "It's okay, we will get through this," I thought to myself. Persistence is key. I tried to continue to nurse her with and without the shield and I was noticing many things---that she would feed for a very long time on the breast (40 minutes to an hour), but not actively suck the whole time or she would fall asleep. She would be hungry soon after breastfeeding, whereas with pumped milk she usually napped for an hour or two between feedings and I could tell she was satisfied after the feeding. I also noticed that oftentimes after breastfeeding her poop would be greenish. I read that this could be due to a foremilk and hindmilk imbalance, which made sense to me as she would nurse well at first and then slow down and so she probably wasn't getting that rich, fatty hindmilk that she needed.
Kevin was so supportive throughout this journey and even went to the LC with me. He saw how frustrated I was sometimes (there were tears, for sure) and he just told me "you know, it's okay if you just want to pump, if that's what works and makes you feel good."
Did you know that most standard bottles fit onto Medela pumping parts? It's a great way to save on how much you wash to just pump directly into the bottle!
This is one of the early "Harper Kits" my husband puts together every single night so I can have clean, ready-to-use pumping parts all night and morning.
He was right. It was okay for me to give her pumped milk. She thrived on it and I thrived, knowing exactly how much she was getting---a blessing since she had trouble gaining weight when she was born. From the very beginning, early into my pregnancy, I always said "I don't care how she gets my milk, as long as she gets it." So why did I suddenly become so preoccupied with trying to get her back on the breast?
I loved the closeness of breastfeeding---but I disliked the feelings of frustration and inadequacy I felt when Harper was hungry again soon after a feeding and when I would open her diaper and see the change in color in her output. I wanted her to have my milk---and I was producing milk---so did it really matter how she got it?
It doesn't look like this happy baby cares how she gets her milk!
The truth is, I still sometimes wish that feeding at the breast would have worked for us---and I do feel I tried hard to make it work. But I also feel that pumping is so fulfilling for me and for Harper, who is happily nourished from my milk that she drinks from a bottle.
I had a lot of people tell me that they hate pumping or that I should try to breastfeed her because I will come to hate it too. The weird thing is, I never hated pumping. In fact, I am fascinated by it. It continues to amaze me that my body is even capable of producing something that can nourish my baby (especially since I wasn't even sure my breasts would be able to produce milk because of the surgery). I sometimes look down when I'm pumping and I just marvel at the milk shooting out into the pumping parts. I am literally amazed by it because it's not something you get to "see" when you nurse. Everyday, even though I'm pumping every three hours, I am still taken aback by watching the bottles fill up with my milk as the pump makes that familiar suctioning noise.
Is pumping more work? Most people would probably say that it is. You have to hook yourself up to the machine and constantly wash the parts (I even bought more parts but you still feel like you're washing them all.the.time). You can't really stay out for more than 3-4 hours at a time unless you bring your pump with you (I haven't done that yet as we can run most errands in a shorter time and go back out again if we need to). Even with all of this extra "work" I still enjoy pumping because I know I'm doing what's best for my baby and for me. The one thing that is very difficult about pumping is waking up in the middle of the night to pump as well as staying up late to get one last session in before going to sleep. I am absolutely exhausted most mornings, even though Harper is sleeping 8 hours consistently. But I do it because it's important to keep my supply up.
My goal is to pump when I go back to work so I can continue to provide my milk for Harper. There are some days where we supplement with formula (maybe one feeding a day, so 4 oz) and some days she gets only breastmilk. I also still breastfeed her every once in awhile. Sometimes I think we both crave that closeness and I can just follow-up with some pumped milk if she's still hungry. Mostly though, I would classify myself as an exclusive pumper.
Love her little chubby legs---pumping gives me the reassurance she's getting what she needs nutritionally
I thought I would comment below on my pumping schedule and other FAQs about pumping and I welcome you to ask additional questions in the comments.
What type of pump do you have?
I have a Medela Pump in Style Advanced and I absolutely love it. A lot of the girls at work have recently had babies or are pregnant so they got us a hospital-grade pump that we can all use (with our own tubing/parts obviously) which I'm so thrilled about because hospital-grade pumps are awesome and it also means I will not have to tote my pump to and from work in addition to all of the daycare stuff.
How often do you pump?
During the day, I pump every 3 hours and at night I pump ever 4-4.5 hours to keep my supply up. Some people have told me I don't need to pump at night because Harper is sleeping through the night, but I still wake up at 3 a.m. because it's important for me to signal my body to keep making more milk because I do worry about my supply down the road. The reason I am able to pump so often is because Harper is a very good sleeper. We got lucky, there's nothing we did to try to make her nap better or sleep through the night, it's sheer luck. There are times during the day or at night where I go longer between sessions for one reason or another, but generally this is the schedule I like to stick to.
How much do you get when you pump?
I would say I average about 4.3 ounces per pumping session, but sometimes it's less (3.7 oz) or more (about 5.4-5.8 ounces). I get the most output at night and in the early morning and I always get more from my left breast than my right.
What are breast compressions and why should you do them?
I started to do breast compressions on my own when I began to pump and a few weeks later I watched a video online about the benefits of breast compressions during pumping so I am going to link that here because the video explains it better than I ever could. Basically you get much better output if you compress during pumping and you can ensure you fully empty the breast. Every last drop counts and fully emptying is important so that your body knows to produce the same amount next time because your baby needs it.
What are you eating/drinking?
It's so important to eat a good diet when you're breastfeeding or pumping because you body burns a lot of calories. I have not changed my diet from before or during pregnancy I just try to eat more and I do not at all watch what I eat. That means if I want ice cream or candy, I eat it, without guilt. A typical day for me starts with a bowl of Kashi cereal and almond milk and a latte made with vanilla almond milk or Van's protein waffles with Nutella or raspberry jam and some fruit or a bagel with fruit. For lunch I will have a turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat bread with some pickles or toast with peanut butter and some fruit or soup. For snacks I like to eat nuts and nut/dried fruit mixes, crackers and fruit and for dinner we will eat some type of protein with veggies or a big salad or pasta. It just depends what we're in the mood for. For desserts I really love mini oreo cookies, cookies n' cream ice cream and swedish fish (ha). I also drink a TON of water and a few cups of Mother's Milk organic tea per day.
Do you have a fridge and freezer stash? How did you start it?
Yes, to both. I have a stash in my fridge and that stash includes any milk that I pumped that exceeds 4 ounces (so the extra milk from a single pumping session). I basically put it in the fridge and use it between 5-8 days after expression. This refrigerated milk helps me on days where Harper wakes up or wants to eat sooner than expected or sooner than I've had a chance to pump her next feeding. I started my freezer stash using the Medela breast milk freezer bags a couple of weeks ago. Harper's last feed is at about 9 or 10 p.m. every night and that is either warmed up refrigerated milk or milk that was expressed at my last pumping session (or some days, it's formula). Then, I stay up late and pump at 11 p.m. and that milk goes in the freezer because I know she won't need it because she sleeps through the night. I also freeze any milk that I pump if I have a lot in the fridge that I need to use up. Basically I am always "assessing" the situation and figuring out the best move---feed at next feeding, refrigerate or freeze. Every freezer bag contains one 4 ounce feeding.
My fridge and freezer stash
How do you transport milk when you're out and about with Harper?
Praise the Lord, breastmilk stays fresh at room temperature for 4-6 hours. When we leave the house, I pump a bottle of milk for her before we leave and tote it along with us. I don't cool it because we are always in A/C for most of the outing. However, if we were going to be outside for awhile, I would bring Medela's cooler bag. We haven't had to do that yet. I also always have some ready-to-feed formula with me wherever we go, just in case.
How long will you pump for?
My goal is to continue pumping for however long my body will produce milk, with my first goal being six months and my ultimate goal being one year. If I don't make it, that's okay. This is just what I hope will happen.
Harps and me, just chillin' after one of her bottle feeds
She sleeps after nearly every bottle
What about when you go back to work? When/where will you pump?
I am going back to work very soon (sadface) and I will pump every 3 hours at work. A lot of my co-workers either have young babies or are pregnant so there will be an office set aside for us to pump in, which is wonderful--and a hospital grade pump for us to use which is above and beyond. I have even heard that some women pump during their commute. I am not sure how safe that is so I'd have to really think about it, but if there was a safe way to do it (i.e.: setting it all up before you begin to drive and not touching it again until you are fully stopped) then I might consider it.
What are some things that make pumping easier?
Relaxing when you pump and drinking water during pumping make me feel good. I like to have my iPhone with me as well so I can surf online while I pump, which is also relaxing. Also---this is the most crucial thing---you must have a supportive partner. My husband cleans all of my pumping parts and bottles every single day before he leaves for work and he often cleans them after work too (I clean them as well, it just depends who has the time). I think this is what really facilitates my experience because everything is ready-to-go. The emotional support also helps me feel even better about what I'm doing for Harper and he keeps me motivated to keep at it even when I've had a pumping session where I get less than usual he will remind me "remember last night you got over 5 ounces?" and that makes me feel great. One last thing---patience is key. I am not a patient person but pumping has tested that for me. I often have 3 letdowns when I pump and sometimes I feel discouraged that it doesn't look like I'm getting a lot of milk but if I just wait a few minutes I will get another letdown and I start to do compressions again to maximize that letdown. So be patient and just let your body do its thing :)
What are some things that make pumping easier?
Relaxing when you pump and drinking water during pumping make me feel good. I like to have my iPhone with me as well so I can surf online while I pump, which is also relaxing. Also---this is the most crucial thing---you must have a supportive partner. My husband cleans all of my pumping parts and bottles every single day before he leaves for work and he often cleans them after work too (I clean them as well, it just depends who has the time). I think this is what really facilitates my experience because everything is ready-to-go. The emotional support also helps me feel even better about what I'm doing for Harper and he keeps me motivated to keep at it even when I've had a pumping session where I get less than usual he will remind me "remember last night you got over 5 ounces?" and that makes me feel great. One last thing---patience is key. I am not a patient person but pumping has tested that for me. I often have 3 letdowns when I pump and sometimes I feel discouraged that it doesn't look like I'm getting a lot of milk but if I just wait a few minutes I will get another letdown and I start to do compressions again to maximize that letdown. So be patient and just let your body do its thing :)
Overall, I just want to share a positive pumping experience. Are there nights where I feel exhausted from having to wake up to pump? Yes, almost every night. Is it sometimes tough to always have to think about pumping before leaving the house/make your plans around pumping? Sure. But at the end of the day, I enjoy pumping and most of all I love that it enables me to give Harper something very special in a way that works for both of us. Maybe the way I feel about pumping will change down the road, but right now, I'm glad it's an option for me.
I also want to give a special thank-you to some of my readers who have emailed me about pumping and offered support and encouragement. It really means a lot to me.
